X FILES: THE MUSICAL
by MulderScully'sBogusJourney
Summary: This is a damned long one in script format. It's actually got filmed, though. Just ask Doma. It was fun. We had pizza. A jogger ran across the last scene.


TEASER

Title: X Files: The Musical

Author: Macavity!

Spoilers: Requiem, Within (sort of)

Feedback: Sorry, too late – shooting has already started

TEASER

INT. SCULLY'S APARTMENT – NIGHT

FADE IN, PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG"

SCULLY is wearing glasses, typing tiredly at a computer.

SFX: phone ringing

SCULLY puts down her glasses and reaches for the phone. She picks it up.

STOP MUSIC

SCULLY (as on beer commercial): Wassup?

CUT TO CLIPS of other characters with cell phones in different settings

SKINNER (in BOARD OFFICE): Wassup?

MULDER (in ALIEN SHIP/APT): Wassup?

DOGGETT (in MULDER'S OFFICE): Wassup?

KRYCHEK (in ALIEN SHIP/APT): Wassup?

MARITA and L(OLLIPOP).L(ICKING).M(AN).: (in ALIEN SHIP/APT): Wassup?

FBI CHORUS 1 AND 2 (in BOARD OFFICE): Wassup?

CUT TO TITLE SEQUENCE

TITLE SEQUENCE

MONTAGE OF:

I.Title

II.Wizard of Oz

III.Tribbles

IV.Monty Python

V.Charlie/foam

VI.Home Alone

VII.Eye

VIII.The truth is out there

to "X FILES THEME"

CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "X Files: The Musical"

CUT TO SCENE ONE

SCENE ONE 

EXT. ARTISTIC SHOTS OF TREE FOLIAGE – DAY

PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG"

SCULLY (VO): If you're sad and you know it, recite poetry. If you're sad and you know it, recite poetry. If you're sad and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you're sad and you know it, recite poetry. (BEAT) There once was a man from Nantucket-

CUT TO SCENE TWO

SCENE TWO 

INT. FBI HALLWAY – DAY

At the end of the hallway, there is a door with a nameplate reading "Fox Mulder". Somewhere along the hallway is a door that can be opened. FBI CHORUS 2 is wandering around hallway, looking busy. FBI CHORUS 1 is sitting at a desk at the beginning of the hallway, taking notes on a clipboard. DOGGETT is speaking with him/her.

FBI CHORUS 1: Agent John Doggett, huh? You're new around here.

DOGGETT (staring down hallway with trepidation): Yeah.

FBI CHORUS 1 (writing in clipboard): So, what's your assignment? ID?

DOGGETT (handing him/her ID): I'm heading the search for a missing agent. Fox Mulder. You heard of him?

FBI CHORUS 1 (briefly taking the ID and looking at it): Yeah. From what they say, you've got your work cut out for you.

DOGGETT: Yeah.

FBI CHORUS 1 (handing back ID): They always pick on the new guy, huh? Don't let it get you down. Everyone deserves a chance.

DOGGETT: Thanks.

FBI CHORUS 1 looks away, busy. DOGGETT steps past him and rests his briefcase on the edge of the desk. He looks down the hall.

PLAY "I HAVE CONFIDENCE"

DOGGETT (L[ip]S[ynch]): What will this day be like… I wonder?

What will my future be… I wonder? (DOGGETT starts to walk down the hall)

It could be so exciting, to be out in the world, to be free! My heart should be wildly rejoicing– (stops and shakes head ruefully)

Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure, to do the things I've never dared.

And here I am facing adventure- then why am I so scared?

STOP MUSIC

DOGGETT: A search for a missing agent. What's so fearsome about that?

DOGGETT pauses and shakes his head.

RESUME MUSIC

DOGGETT (LS): Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries.

If I don't, I just know I'll turn back.

I must dream of the things I am seeking (stops)- I am seeking the courage I lack.

The courage to serve them with reliance.

To face my mistake without defiance.

Show them I'm worthy, and while I show them,

I'll… show… ME! (DOGGETT walks briskly)

So, let them bring on all their problems.

I'll do better than my best.

I am confident they'll put me to the test,

But as you can see, I have confidence in me.

STOP MUSIC

FBI CHORUS 2 (passing by): Hey, you're new here, aren't you?

DOGGETT watches FBI CHORUS 2 walk by.

RESUME TAPE, ANGLE ON front of DOGGETT

DOGGETT (LS, running and clicking his heels): I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain!

I have confidence that spring will come again!

Besides which you see, I have confidence in me!

(DOGGETT stops and swings his briefcases around his body)

Strength doesn't lie in numbers! Strength doesn't lie in wealth! (DOGGETT stops swinging briefcases)

Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumber, and when you wake up, (opens door beside him and yells into it) WAKE UP! (DOGGETT closes door) It's healthy.

(DOGGETT resumes running and clicking his heels)

All I trust I leave my heart to! All I trust becomes my own!

I have confidence (grinds to a halt in front of last door) in confidence alone! (DOGGETT stares at door for a while)

(DOGGETT takes several large steps backwards)

I have confidence in confidence alone! Besides which you see, I have confidence in… (DOGGETT takes a deep breath and charges at the door) ME!

DOGGETT runs to the door, opens it, and slams it shut behind him just as the song ends.

STOP MUSIC, CUT TO inside MULDER'S OFFICE

DOGGETT is pressed against the inside of the door, catching his breath. He gets off the door, looking around. He puts his briefcase on the desk. He examines the walls, the pictures, and the bookshelf. There are miniature crop circles in the dust. Finally, he opens the top desk drawer and looks inside. Nothing. He closes it and turns away. The bottom drawer opens. He closes the bottom drawer. The top drawer opens. He gets an "Oh, I get this game" look. Holding the bottom drawer shut, he closes the top drawer. The middle drawer opens. He closes the middle drawer. The top and the bottom drawers open. Holding the middle drawer shut, he closes the top and bottom drawers.

SFX: phone ringing

DOGGETT tries to reach for the phone without letting go of the drawers. He can't. He lets go of the drawers and grabs for the phone. All three drawers open. DOGGETT glares at them and they close.

DOGGETT (into receiver): Agent Doggett speaking? Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?

SFX: thud from the door

DOGGETT (into receiver): Hello?

SFX: thud

DOGGETT looks around.

DOGGETT (into receiver): Hello?

SFX: thud

DOGGETT hangs up.

SFX: many thuds, louder and more frequently

DOGGETT searches the office. He looks on the desk, on the shelves, and on the walls. He knocks on the walls to make sure they're solid. He approaches the drawers but doesn't dare touch them. Finally, he opens the door. L.L.M. is on the other side, bending over as if he's been trying to stuff something under the door. In his hands is a huge envelope that couldn't possibly fit. The two men stare at each other. L.L.M. gives a weak smile, drops the envelope at Doggett's feet, and shuts the door.

DOGGETT picks up the envelope, sits down, and opens it. He flips through its contents, scratching his chin. One of the drawers begins to open. He glares at it and it shuts. DOGGETT reaches for the phone, dials a number, and waits for an answer.

FADE OUT

SCENE THREE

INT. SCULLY'S APARTMENT – DAY

Same as the teaser. SCULLY, wearing glasses, is typing at her computer, looking tired and sad.

PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG". SFX: phone ringing. STOP MUSIC

SCULLLY answers the phone, speaking into the receiver.

SCULLY: Hello?

DOGGETT (filtered): Hello? Am I speaking to Agent Scully?

SCULLY: Who is this?

DOGGETT (filtered): My name is Special Agent John Doggett. I'm in charge of the search for your partner.

SCULLY (picking up photo of her and Mulder, smiling): Mulder.

DOGGETT (filtered): That's right. Look, Agent Scully, how well did you know your partner?

SCULLY: What?

DOGGETT (filtered): How well did you know Mulder?

SCULLY (taken aback, looking at picture of Mulder in the ET poster): As well as I knew anyone.

DOGGETT (filtered): And how well is that?

SCULLY: Well enough.

DOGGETT (filtered): Well enough to know where he might be?

SCULLY (looking at photo of Mulder in the Mona Lisa): No.

DOGGETT (filtered): So you didn't know him that well, did you?

SCULLY (flipping photo face down): Do you have a point?

DOGGETT (filtered): I've got some information, Agent Scully. Information that may lead us to your partner.

SCULLY: I doubt it.

DOGGETT (filtered): Maybe you weren't the only person he confided in.

SCULLY (looking at picture of Mulder in American Gothic): Excuse me, Agent Doggett, did you know him?

DOGGETT (filtered): Me? Yes. Yes, I knew him.

SCULLY (about to hang up the phone): No, you didn't.

DOGGETT (filtered): Agent Scully? Maybe you're right. Maybe I didn't know him that well. But this information may lead us to him. If I were you, I'd show up at his office to see it right away.

SFX: click of hanging up phone

SCULLY: Agent Doggett? Hello?

SCULLY sighs and gives up.

PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG"

SCULLY looks at picture of Mulder Picasso-style. She stares at it for a long time. Then she flips it over and looks up.

STOP "SAD SCULLY SONG". PLAY "TOMORROW"

SCULLY (LS): The sun'll come out… tomorrow.

Bet your bottom dollar that, tomorrow, there'll be sun.

Just thinking about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow,

Till there's none. (SCULLY starts to get up)

When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely,

I just stick out my chin and grin and say (SCULLY smiles at the ceiling)

The sun'll come out tomorrow, so you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow.

You're always a day away.

SCULLY looks in mirror, puts on trench coat, straightens hair, and adjusts necklace.

SCULLY (LS): The sun'll come out tomorrow, so you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may. (SCULLY picks up FBI badge and clips in on)

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow. You're always a day away. (SCULLY picks up keys and heads for the door)

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow. You're always (SCULLY steps in front of door) a day away! (SCULLY opens door, walks, through, shuts door behind her)

FADE OUT while music is still playing

SCENE FOUR

INT. MULDER'S OFFICE – DAY

Same as Scene Two. SKINNER is standing there. DOGGETT is sitting at desk.

SCULLY enters.

SKINNER: Agent Scully.

DOGGETT walks forward with hand outstretched.

DOGGETT: John Doggett.

SCULLY doesn't take his hand. DOGGETT, looking uncomfortable, pulls it away.

SKINNER: Agent Doggett has information, which, we have reason to believe, may lead us to Agent Mulder.

DOGGETT hands the large envelope to Scully. SCULLY takes it, hostile, and leafs through it.

SCULLY (handing back the envelope): That's very interesting.

DOGGETT: Agent Scully, do you understand?

SCULLY: I don't see what these apartment purchase records have to do with my partner's abduction.

DOGGETT (choosing to ignore the word): That's Agent Mulder's bank account number.

SCULLY: Are you suggesting I wouldn't know if my partner bought an apartment over the state line?

DOGGETT: All I'm saying is maybe you didn't know him as well as you think. (SCULLY turns away) I thought you'd be glad we have a lead. Or don't you want to find him?

SCULLY (turning back sharply): I'm in on this.

SKINNER: Scully-

SKINNER remembers Doggett is there. He takes Scully by the shoulders and turns her away.

SKINNER: You aren't going with him.

SCULLY: What?

SKINNER: It's too dangerous.

SCULLY: I think I can take care of myself.

PLAY beginning of "1812 OVERTURE"

FADE OUT; CUT TO MONTAGE 1:

I.Shot from "Ghosts Who Stole Christmas"

II.Fight from "Orison"

III.Inside game from "First Person Shooter"

IV.Explosion from "Fight the Future"

V.Bees from "Fight the Future"

VI.Tooms from "Squeeze"

VII.Trunk from "Ascension"

VIII.Alien ship from "Fight the Future"

IX.Shaking from "Requiem"

X.Dentist from "Unruhe"

XI.Goop from "Field Trip"

XII.Worm from "Roadrunners"

SCENE; PLAY end of "1812 OVERTURE"

SKINNER and SCULLY look confused.

SKINNER: Then I'm coming with you.

SCULLY: You don't know what you're getting into.

SKINNER: I know what I saw. (at Scully's face) Besides, what's the worst that could happen?

PLAY beginning of "1812 OVERTURE"

FADE OUT; CUT TO MONTAGE 2:

I.Punch from "Anasazi"

II.Shot from "Piper Maru"

III.Fight from "End Game"

IV.Secretary from "Pusher'

V.Nanos from "SR819"

VI.Stairwell from "Paper Clip"

SCENE

SKINNER and SCULLY look miffed.

DOGGETT: Just the two of you remember, I'm doing you a favour. Technically, I'm in charge of this case.

SCULLY: You shouldn't be.

DOGGETT: Really, Agent Scully? And why not?

PLAY "1812" OVERTURE; FADE OUT

ALL glare at camera.

STOP "1812 OVERTURE" raggedly; FADE IN

DOGGETT: Maybe I don't have an Oxford education. Maybe I haven't seen as much as you have. Maybe my name is unbearably bland, and I don't speak through my nose, get shot repeatedly in the shoulder, or have only two facial expressions. But I'm your partner now, and, until we find Agent Mulder, that's the way it's going to be. We can do this one of two ways. One is where you cooperate with me. The other is where you don't. Which way do you want?

SCULLY doesn't answer. DOGGETT picks up the envelope and studies it. Finally, SCULLY nods defiantly.

DOGGETT (sheepishly): And, uh, could you put this in the drawer for me?

SCULLY stares at him strangely but does it. Nothing happens.

SCULLY: All right, Agent Doggett, let's go.

SCULLY walks out. SKINNER follows. DOGGETT lags behind. When he is the last one left in the room, DOGGETT sneaks back to the drawers. He opens the top drawer. He shuts it. The bottom drawer opens. DOGGETT swears under his breath and hurries out.

FADE OUT

SCENE FIVE

INT. ALIEN SHIP/APT – NIGHT

MULDER is strapped onto a silver table; there is blood on his hands.

ECU-HAND; PAN to face and shoulders; CU-MULDER'S FACE

MULDER's eyes are wide; they dart back and forth. He flares his nostrils.

SFX: machinery

FOCUS-claw

SPFX: claw picks up a CD, swivels slowly, and brings it to CD player

FOCUS-all

MULDER's eyes follow CD.

SPFX: CD player closes and starts to play

PLAY "WANNABE"; CU-MULDER'S FACE

MULDER screams as loud as he can.

MATCH CUT to SCENE SIX

SCENE SIX

INT. CAR – DAY

SKINNER is sitting in the back. SCULLY is in the passenger seat and DOGGETT is driving. SCULLY's hands are pressed to her ears and she appears to be in anguish.

ZO

SKINNER and DOGGETT (seriously): - thirty-two bottles of beer, if one fell, what the hell, thirty-one bottles of beer on the wall.

DOGGETT shifts gears into park as if he's just finished parking. SCULLY uncovers her ears as the singing stops.

DOGGETT: All right, Assistant Director, here we are. But, next time, you go before we leave, all right?

SKINNER nods and gets out of car. SCULLY and DOGGETT look uncomfortable. DOGGETT leans against the window and finally clears his throat.

DOGGETT (tentatively): Thirty-one bottles of beer-

SCULLY: Don't you dare.

(BEAT)

DOGGETT: Agent Scully, what do you really know about this case?

SCULLY: I know what I know.

DOGGETT: Do you really?

(BEAT)

SCULLY: I knew my partner… very well.

DOGGETT: Did you?

(BEAT)

SCULLY: I knew him better than you did.

DOGGETT: What makes you say that?

SCULLY: I knew- know him better than anyone.

DOGGETT: Are you sure about that?

SCULLY (doubtful): OF course I'm sure.

DOGGETT (as if he doesn't know what to say): Are you sure you're sure?

SCULLY: Are you answering everything I say with a question?

DOGGETT: Am I?

(BEAT)

SCULLY: Now, you listen to me, Agent Doggett. You haven't seen what I've seen. There are things I've come across that I can't explain. You think this is just a stepping-stone on the road to promotion. It's not. You can't begin to imagine what we might find.

SCULLY stares out the window. DOGGETT looks as if he wants to answer "Can't I?" but has thought better of it.

Enter SKINNER, who gets in the back. Noticing the tension, he says nothing. Finally, he clears his throat. DOGGETT starts the car.

SKINNER (tentatively): Thirty-one bottles of beer on the wall (DOGGETT joins in half-heartedly) thirty-one bottles of beer…

SCULLY glares out the window.

FADE OUT

SCENE SEVEN

INT. ALIEN SHIP/APT – DAY

L.L.M. is sitting in armchair holding a snow globe. There is a glass of water on the table before him. KRYCHEK and MARITA are standing behind him.

CU, FOCUS-SNOWGLOBE; slowly ZO, FOCUS-L.L.M.

PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG"

L.L.M.: Rosebud. Rosebud. Rosebud.

FOCUS-ALL

KRYCHEK (putting a firm hand on L.L.M.'s shoulder): You're hard to kill, old man.

L.L.M. starts. KRYCHEK takes the snow globe.

CU, FOCUS-KRYCHEK; ZO, FOCUS-ALL

L.L.M.: They're coming, Alex.

L.L.M., fumbling, removes the lollipop stick from his mouth. He takes a fresh lollipop from his coat pocket, unwraps it, and eats it.

ECU, FOCUS-WRAPPER; ZO, FOCUS-ALL

MARITA: They won't find him.

L.L.M.: Are you sure about that?

PLAY MUSIC LOUDER

ALL seem confused.

STOP MUSIC

KRYCHEK: There's no way.

MARITA: We took care of the paper trail.

L.L.M. smiles. KRYCHEK looks at Marita and nods. L.L.M. licks his lollipop. As L.L.M. speaks, KRYCHEK slowly lifts club over his head.

L.L.M.: I wouldn't be so sure of yourselves.

Just as KRYCHEK brings the club down, L.L.M. reaches forward for the glass of water so that it misses him. He takes a sip.

KRYCHEK (leaning forward and holding the snow globe in front of L.L.M.'s face so that L.L.M. turns to face him; MARITA sneaks around and puts poison in the glass): Listen, old man, do you think I have to listen to you? I could snuff the life out of you right here.

L.L.M. (smiling): You're foolish, Alex. Very foolish.

L.L.M. takes back snow globe, accidentally knocking over the drink.

CU, FOCUS-GLASS; ZO, FOCUS-ALL

MARITA and KRYCHEK swear under their breaths.

KRYCHEK (pulling a gun out of his pocket as L.L.M. studies snow globe): You're talking nonsense. They'll never find Mulder.

CU, FOCUS-GUN; ZO, FOCUS-ALL

As KRYCHEK presses the trigger, L.L.M. drops the snow globe and bends over to pick it up.

SFX: cat's yowl, crash

L.L.M. (calmly): That's true. But the question is, Alex, can you find Mulder?

KRYCHEK: He can rot in hell.

L.L.M.: You're damning yourself, Alex. He's the key.

KRYCHEK (weighing the possibilities in his mind): You stay here. (KRYCHEK starts to walk OS) Keep an eye on this bastard.

MARITA: Where are you going?

KRYCHEK: To find Mulder.

L.L.M. smiles.

MARITA: But-

KRYCHEK silences her with a glare. He starts to walk OS.

BLUR

KRYCHEK stops walking and glares at camera, tapping his foot impatiently.

FOCUS

KRYCHEK gives camera "Thanks, buddy!" sour look. He exits. L.L.M. licks his lollipop.

CU-L.L.M.; FADE OUT

SCENE EIGHT

INT. CAR – DAY

Same as scene six.

CU-SCULLY; PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG"

(PAUSE)

STOP MUSIC

DOGGETT: You realize that, eventually, one of us is going to have to walk back to the service station and get some gas.

(BEAT)

SCULLY: Maybe we shouldn't even be here. (SKINNER and DOGGETT look at her) Maybe this is just a wild goose chase. (sighs) Maybe I'm trying too hard.

(BEAT)

DOGGETT: Have you considered that your partner's disappearance may not be that difficult to explain?

SCULLY (scandalized): What?

DOGGETT: Look at the facts: your partner goes off alone. He disappears without a trace. We find he's bought an apartment in another state. What does that suggest to you?

SKINNER: He wasn't alone.

SCULLY: Mulder wouldn't have done that.

DOGGETT: Really? According to the records, two y- three and a half- (DOGGETT frowns, thinking) a while ago, he faked his own death.

SCULLY: That was something completely-

SKINNER: I was there, Agent Doggett.

DOGGETT (taken aback): I've read your report, Assistant Director. I must say, I found it difficult to believe.

SKINNER: I know what I saw.

(PAUSE)

DOGGETT: Perhaps you'd like to share it with the rest of us.

SKINNER: You won't believe me, Agent, but it's the truth….

SFX: flashback music

SKINNER glares "not yet!" at the camera.

SKINNER: Agent Mulder and I were investigating some unexplained activity. (SKINNER looks up at Scully) I remember it like it was two weeks, five days, eight hours and forty-five minutes ago. Or yesterday.

(BEAT)

SKINNER nods "all right, now" at the camera.

SFX: flashback music

CUT TO FLASHBACK 1

FLASHBACK 1

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

SKINNER is running through woods in costume 2.

SKINNER: Mulder! Mulder!

SKINNER stops suddenly, bending over to pick up salad and fork. He stares at them, facing the camera.

SPFX: bright light behind Skinner

SFX: spaceship taking off

SKINNER: Is that Havarti?

SCENE

SKINNER: And let me tell you, Agent: when you've got cheese, you've got choice.

(BEAT)

DOGGETT: All right, Assistant Director. According to your theory, what happened to Agent Mulder?

SKINNER: I know what happened to Agent Mulder. They took him.

DOGGETT: Who took him? (SKINNER doesn't answer. DOGGETT gets an "I thought so" look) Don't tell me you agree with him, Agent Scully?

(PAUSE)

ALL stare at Scully.

SCULLY (tearfully): I just hope he's all right.

CUT TO SCENE NINE

SCENE NINE

INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP/APT – DAY

Same as scene five.

MULDER's eyes are closed.

FOCUS-FACE; PLAY "CASTLE ON A CLOUD"

MULDER opens his eyes on the first note.

MULDER (LS): There is a castle on a cloud.  
I like to go there in my sleep.  
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,  
Not in my castle on a cloud.  
There is a room that's full of toys.  
There are a hundred boys and girls.  
Nobody shouts or talks too loud-

STOP MUSIC

Enter KRYCHEK, who leans over Mulder.

KRYCHEK: We meet again, Agent Mulder. I trust you're enjoying your stay.

MULDER: It's all fun and games, Krychek, until somebody loses an eye.

KRYCHEK (thrown off-balance): Yes.

MULDER: Why are you here?

KRYCHEK: If it were up to me, I'd be leaving you here.

MULDER: You double-crossing sonuvabitch!

KRYCHEK (intensely serious): I know you are, but what am I?

MULDER (nods as best he can; same): I'm rubber; you're glue. And, Krychek, whatever you say – whatever you say – bounces off me and sticks to you.

KRYCHEK (snarling, leaning forward as if he's about to attack Mulder): You poopiehead! (MULDER doesn't flinch. KRYCHEK brings his palm to Mulder's face) Speak to the hand, Agent Mulder, not the face.

MULDER painfully brings his freed hand to his forehead in the shape of an "L", mouthing "Loser".

KRYCHEK grabs Mulder's shirt. Slowly regaining his temper, he lets go.

KRYCHEK: I've come a long way to find you, Agent Mulder. And you'd better be damn glad, because otherwise you'd be rotting forever in this place. You know they'll never find you, not here.

MULDER: She'll come.

KRYCHEK: Sure, she'll come, but will she find you? Would anyone think to look here? (KRYCHEK laughs)

KRYCHEK unbinds Mulder and pulls him to his feet.

KRYCHEK: Come on. It's a long trip.

KRYCHEK pushes Mulder in front of him. MULDER walks along in resignation.

ZO to show alien ship is in the middle of the apartment, INCLUDE L.L.M. and MARITA

FADE OUT

SCENE TEN

INT. CAR – DAY

Same as scenes four and eight.

PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG"

DOGGETT brakes. DOGGETT and SKINNER start to unbuckle seat belts.

STOP MUSIC

DOGGETT: Here we are. (DOGGETT notices Scully isn't moving) What's the matter, Agent Scully? Afraid of what you might find?

SCULLY: What's that supposed to mean?

DOGGETT: All I meant was-

SCULLY: Agent Doggett, I don't know where you get the idea that I didn't trust my partner.

DOGGETT: Did you? Did you really?

SKINNER (interrupting Scully): Agent Mulder and Agent Scully worked very well together, Agent. Let's leave it at that.

SCULLY: You couldn't begin to understand how well I know him, Doggett.

DOGGETT: Is that true? Or are you just afraid you didn't know him as well as you think you did?

SCULLY: Can you stop asking questions long enough to listen to me?

DOGGETT opens his mouth. SKINNER shuts him up with a glare.

SCULLY: Agent Mulder and I had a… special understanding.

DOGGETT and SKINNER look blank.

SCULLY: We were very close.

DOGGETT and SKINNER look blank.

SCULLY: We had a unique relationship.

DOGGETT and SKINNER look blank.

SCULLY: Please don't tell me I need to flashback.

DOGGETT and SKINNER exchange looks and nod sheepishly. SCULLY sighs.

SCULLY: The real turning point was last New Year's Eve…

SFX: flashback music

CUT TO FLASHBACK 2

FLASHBACK 2

INT. MILLENIUM FOYER – NIGHT

SCULLY and MULDER are standing together, watching the TV.

SFX: from television-"5…4…3…2…1… Happy New Year!"

MULDER slowly turns to look at Scully nervously.

SCULLY (VO): We'd just wrapped up a difficult case, and we were settling down to enjoy the New Year's festivities on television. (PAUSE; MULDER leans in as if to kiss her) And then it happened.

PLAY "SOME ENCHANTED EVENING"

MULDER (LS): Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger  
You may see a stranger, across a crowded room  
And somehow you know, you know even then  
That somewhere you'll see her again and again.

MULDER holds Scully's hands, gazing into her eyes.

MULDER (LS): Some enchanted evening, someone may be laughing  
You may hear her laughing, across a crowded room  
And night after night, as strange as it seems  
The sound of her laughter will sing in your dreams.

MULDER whirls around to face the ceiling, spreading his arms.

MULDER (LS): Who can explain it, who can tell you why?  
Fools give you reasons (MULDER turns back to Scully, shaking his head) Wise men never try.

MULDER seizes Scully's hands and they start to waltz. Every time Mulder holds a note, SCULLY turns her head away.

MULDER (LS): Some enchanted evening, when you find your true love,  
And you hear her call you, across a crowded room  
And fly to her side and make her your own,  
All through your life, you may dream of her.

MULDER stops waltzing. He sits Scully down on a chair. He holds her hands and kneels before her.

MULDER (LS): Once you have found her, never let her go.  
Once you have found her, never let her…go!

MULDER looks up as he hits the high note.

SCENE

SKINNER and DOGGETT both look embarrassed.

SCULLY: Is that good enough for you?

(BEAT)

DOGGETT: I didn't realize… Perhaps we'd better go in. (DOGGETT starts to get out) I only hope we're not too late.

SFX: dramatic chord

SKINNER: Well-

SFX: dramatic chord

ALL look annoyed.

DOGGETT: I-

SFX: dramatic chord

SCULLY opens her mouth.

SFX: dramatic chord; dramatic chord; dramatic chord in eighth notes; beginning of a dramatic chord

SCULLY (straight at the camera): Are you through?

SFX: first note of a dramatic chord

SCULLY glares at the camera. ALL exit the car, and head OS.

FOCUS-LEGS. Just because

FADE OUT

SCENE ELEVEN

INT. ALIEN SHIP/APT. – DAY

FG: L.L.M. sitting in chair with his lollipop and snow globe with MARITA standing behind him. BG: KRYCHEK looming over MULDER sitting on floor.

PLAY "SAD SCULLY SONG"

ALL glare at the camera.

STOP MUSIC

FOCUS-BG

KRYCHEK: Still think they'll find you, Agent Mulder?

FOCUS-FG

MARITA looks OS. Her face grows wide and fearful.

MARITA: Alex, there's a car pulling up.

KRYCHEK (coming over): What?

MARITA: There's a car.

KRYCHEK (taking gun out of his pocket): It can't be…

MARITA also takes gun out of her pocket.

SFX: knocking

MARITA and KRYCHEK hold guns warily.

SFX: knocking

SCULLY (OS): Federal agent!

DOGGETT (OS): Open up! This is the FBI!

SFX: thudding; wood splintering

PAN to show Scully's leg sticking through a hole in the door

SCULLY takes her leg out of the door and opens it the ordinary way, revealing SKINNER, SCULLY, and DOGGETT in the attitude of Charlie's Angels.

SCULLY: Freeze! Put your hands on your head!

(PAUSE)

DOGGETT: Please?

SCULLY: Mulder…

MULDER turns to her, but before he can say anything, he is interrupted. KRYCHEK points a gun at Mulder's head.

KRYCHEK: Don't any of you move. Put your guns down. Drop them!

SKINNER, DOGGETT, and SCULLY put their guns on the floor.

DOGGETT: Just take it easy….

KRYCHEK (motioning with gun): Against the wall.

SKINNER, DOGGETT, and SCULLY go against the wall.

SKINNER: The FBI will come after you.

MARITA laughs.

KRYCHEK: They won't. I don't know how you got here, but you won't be leaving.

MULDER (trying to grab Krychek's arm): No!

KRYCHEK pushes Mulder aside. MULDER falls down. SCULLY starts to go to him, but MARITA threatens her with the gun.

MULDER: You bastard! They'll hunt you down like the dog you are.

KRYCHEK: Really? Me? When you were the one who faked your own disappearance and killed three other agents when they found you out?

MULDER: I- You bastard!

SKINNER: They'll never believe you, Krychek.

MARITA: They won't have to believe us.

DOGGETT (last-ditch attempt): Put the gun down.

KRYCHEK is about to shoot.

L.L.M. (standing up and putting his gun to KRYCHEK's head): Drop the gun, Alex.

KRYCHEK: Who-?

L.L.M.: Put it down.

MARITA looks at Krychek. KRYCHEK nods grudgingly. KNRYCHEK and MARITA put down their guns.

SCULLY: You…?

DOGGETT: You're the one who gave me the purchase records!

SKINNER: But why?

L.L.M. looks away.

MULDER: This was your project. This whole thing was your project. How could you…?

KRYCHEK: You sonuvabitch.

L.L.M.: None of you understand what it is to come to the end of your life and realise all you have done is fraught with holes. It has to end sometime.

SKINNER: What are you trying to say?

L.L.M.: There's just a point when you realise it isn't worth it.

PLAY "GREAT PRETENDER"

L.L.M. turns to cast, his head bowed.

FOCUS-L.L.M., FACE

L.L.M. (LS): Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender.

KRYCHEK and MARITA LS the back up.

L.L.M. (LS): Pretending that I'm doing well.  
My need is such, I pretend too much.  
I'm lonely, but no one can tell.  
Oh, yes (L.L.M. looks up) I'm the great pretender.  
Adrift in a world of my own.  
I play the game, but to my real shame,  
You've left me to dream all alone.

INCLUDE MULDER, SCULLY, SKINNER, and DOGGETT in BG, swaying with lighters

L.L.M. (LS): Too real is this feeling of make-believe.  
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal.  
(L.L.M. takes a step towards the camera) Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender.  
Just laughing and gay like a clown.  
I seem to be what I'm not, you see.  
I'm wearing my heart like a crown,  
Pretending that you're still around.  
Too real is this feeling of make-believe.  
Too real when I feel what my heart can't (L.L.M. leans back) conceal!  
(L.L.M. takes a step towards the camera) Yes, I'm the great pretender.  
Just laughing and gay like a clown.  
I seem to be (L.L.M. closes his eyes) what I'm not, you see  
I'm wearing my heart like a crown,  
Pretending that you're still around.

KRYCHEK and MARITA (LS): Still around.

SKINNER, MULDER, DOGGETT, and SCULLY put away the lighters.

L.L.M.: Get out of here. I have some business to attend to. An old debt, you might say, to repay.

SCULLY helps Mulder up. SKINNER, DOGGETT, MULDER, and SCULLY go to door.

MOVING

KRYCHEK (Voice Only): You two-faced-

SFX: gunshot

(BEAT)

FADE OUT

MARITA: Are we dead yet?

KRYCHEK: No.

L.L.M.: Hang on just a second…

CUT TO SCENE TWELVE

SCENE TWELVE

INT. CAR – DAY

SCULLY is in the passenger seat, DOGGETT is driving, and MULDER and SKINNER sitting in the back.

DOGGETT won't start the car. ALL glare at him.

(BEAT)

DOGGETT: Are you sure we should have left like that? Without evidence, they'll think- (DOGGETT cuts himself off)

MULDER: What will they think?

DOGGETT (turning to look at Mulder): They'll think that you, Agent Mulder, engineered it all. Your disappearance. Your reappearance.

SCULLY: Let them think what they want to think.

MULDER: I didn't.

DOGGETT: They don't know that. (BEAT) To be truthful, Agent Mulder, I don't know that.

SKINNER: What? Agent, did you not-

DOGGETT: I didn't see any aliens. I'm sorry, Agent Mulder, but with my background, what did you think I'd believe?

MULDER (BEAT): With your background, Agent, I'd expect you to take a non-biased view. To look at the facts.

DOGGETT: I am looking at the facts. You'll grant that I have experience, Agent Mulder?

MULDER: You have plenty of experience.

DOGGETT: And I've come a long way. You can see that.

MULDER: A far cry from where you started out.

DOGGETT: Well, my instincts are telling me, my instincts based on all that experience, that this was just a normal kidnapping. That we just let three criminals get away scot-free.

MULDER: And we all know your instincts are always right.

DOGGETT (BEAT, registering sarcasm): I'd be the first to say I'm not always correct. But you have to look at the facts: all we have is your word. Let me ask you something, Agent Mulder. What do you think the brass will have to say if I hand them in a report detailing your abduction in a UFO with that kind of evidence to prove it?

MULDER: No, let me ask you something. Where do you find the nerve to tell me I don't know what happened to me? You have absolutely no experience with this kind of thing, and you know nothing whatsoever on the subject. You've never seen anything like this.

(BEAT)

DOGGETT (getting out of the car): I need to go to the bathroom.

Exit DOGGETT. MULDER watches him leave.

MULDER: Right, so tell me again who that guy is?

FADE OUT

SCENE THIRTEEN

INT. SCULLY'S APARTMENT – DAY

MULDER and SCULLY are sitting on the couch at opposite sides.

(BEAT)

SCULLY: Doggett sent in his report.

MULDER: Did he tell you what it said?

SCULLY shakes her head.

MULDER: It doesn't matter.

SCULLY: If he tells them you staged it, they could shut you down.

MULDER: I know.

SCULLY: Don't you care?

MULDER: It doesn't matter.

SCULLY: Your life's work…

MULDER: It doesn't matter.

SCULLY: But they'll-

MULDER gives her a look that clearly says "It doesn't matter". BEAT. SCULLY looks away, frustrated.

SCULLY (turning back to look him in the face): Then what does matter?

PAUSE. MULDER holds Scully's gaze.

PLAY "CARNIVAL OF ANIMALS"

MULDER and SCULLY break eye contact and look around, confused.

STOP MUSIC

(BEAT)

SCULLY: When you were gone, I….

(BEAT)

MULDER takes Scully's hand.

PLAY lead-in to "CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT"

MULDER and SCULLY look very confused.

STOP MUSIC

MULDER: I-

PLAY "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE"

MULDER and SCULLY stare, confused. They get up and start to look around the apartment. MULDER goes OS while SCULLY searches around the couch. SCULLY looks up as if being beckoned and walks in the same direction as MULDER.

MOVING

SCULLY comes up to Mulder, who is standing by the curtains, staring at them suspiciously. MULDER motions to her. They both draw their guns. With SCULLY covering him, MULDER whips open the curtains, revealing Doggett standing in the midst of musical instruments, caught in the middle of playing the violin.

STOP MUSIC

MULDER and SCULLY are startled. DOGGETT smiles weakly and opens his mouth.

SFX: phone ringing

MULDER helps Doggett up while SCULLY runs OS. MULDER and DOGGETT glare at each other.

SCULLY (OS): Hello?… Yes, sir… I see. Right away.

SCULLY re-enters, looking irked with Doggett. DOGGETT and MULDER both look at her.

SCULLY: That was the FBI. We're to report immediately to the Director's Office.

(BEAT)

SCULLY and MULDER glare at Doggett.

FADE OUT

SCENE FOURTEEN

INT. BOARD OFFICE – DAY

[NOTE: This scene is entirely in rhythm.]

SCULLY and MULDER sit in chairs in front of the desk. DOGGETT and SKINNER stand behind them. FBI CHORUS 1 and FBI CHORUS 2 sit behind the desk. Both groups eye each other ostentatiously.

FBI CHORUS 1 and FBI CHORUS 2 blow and pop bubbles of gum in unison.

FBI CHORUS 1: We trust you know why you're here.

FBI CHORUS 2 (taking out report and putting it on the desk): We find this report troubling.

Both CHORUS raise their eyebrows simultaneously.

FBI CHORUS 1: This is…

FBI CHORUS 2: Unbelievable.

FBI CHORUS 1: Absurd.

FBI CHORUS 2: Ludicrous.

FBI CHORUS 1: In short, absolute and utter nonsense. Agent Doggett, we thought better of you. We thought you wouldn't hold with UFOs.

FBI CHORUS 2: Aliens.

FBI CHORUS 1: Abductions.

MULDER, SCULLY, and SKINNER look at Doggett, astonished. Both CHORUS tilt their heads.

DOGGETT: I wrote the truth.

Both CHORUS exchange looks.

FBI CHORUS 1: That's as may be, Agent Doggett. But here in the top levels of the FBI, we find the X files produce nothing but garbage.

FBI CHORUS 2: Junk.

FBI CHORUS 1: Bunk.

FBI CHORUS 2 (shocking FBI Chorus 1): Crap.

FBI CHORUS 1: Which is why we're shutting them down. Permanently.

SCULLY: Shutting them down?

FBI CHORUS 1: Shutting them down.

MULDER: Shutting them down?

FBI CHORUS 2: Shutting them down.

SKINNER: Shutting them down?

FBI CHORUS 1 and 2: Permanently.

DOGGETT: But why?

FBI CHORUS 2: Because we're your boss with a capital B and that rhymes with C which stands for cruel.

(BEAT)

SCULLY: Oh, we got trouble.

FBI CHORUS 1: You had it coming.

FBI CHORUS 2: You definitely had it coming.

FBI CHORUS 1: Very definitely had it coming.

FBI CHORUS 2: You definitely had it coming and you'll get your new assignments in the morning.

FBI CHORUS 1 and 2: Dismissed.

Exit SKINNER, SCULLY, DOGGETT, and MULDER.

FADE OUT

SCENE FIFTEEN

INT. MULDER'S OFFICE – DAY

SKINNER is sitting in the chair, facing the wall. MULDER and SCULLY stand slightly to the side, watching DOGGETT clean his papers out of the desk.

(BEAT)

SCULLY: I guess I owe you an apology.

DOGGETT: An apology?

SCULLY: An apology.

MULDER: Don't you two start.

SCULLY: I was hard on you. I didn't think you understood. I thought you were one of their puppets. I was wrong.

DOGGETT accepts the apology with a short nod.

SCULLY: I also wanted to thank you. For handing in that report.

DOGGETT: Don't thank me yet. I can stand being reassigned. But what will the two of you do?

MULDER: They'll split us up. You know they will.

DOGGETT (BEAT): You could always…

MULDER: Quit the FBI? I've been thinking about that. I don't know how I can.

SCULLY: Where would we go?

MULDER looks grateful for the "we".

DOGGETT: So you're staying here. Taking what they throw at you.

SCULLY: How can we do anything else?

SKINNER: It sounds to me like you're giving up. Like you're afraid.

MULDER: Afraid of what?

(BEAT)

SKINNER: There are different places to search for the truth, not just the FBI. The search for the truth by yourselves is also holy in the eyes of G-d.

SKINNER swivels to face the camera.

PLAY "CLIMB EV'RY MOUNTAIN"

SKINNER (LS): Climb every mountain. Search high and low.  
Follow every byway, every path you know.  
Climb every mountain. Ford every stream.  
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream.  
A dream that will need all the love you can give.  
Every day of your life, for as long as you live.

MULDER and SCULLY look at each other, relieved. SKINNER puts his hand son the desk and holds his head up high.

SKINNER (LS): Climb every mountain! Ford every stream!  
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream.

SKINNER gets up. He puts one hand on Scully's right shoulder and one hand on Mulder's left shoulder.

SKINNER (LS): A dream that will need all the love you can give  
Every day of your life, for as long as you live!  
Climb every mountain! (SKINNER tilts his head back)  
Ford every stream! (SKINNER tilts his head farther back)  
Follow every rainbow! (SKINNER tilts his head even farther back)  
Till… you… find… your… dream! (SKINNER tilts his head as far back as it will go, spreads his arms, and holds the position for the note)

ZO

FADE OUT

SCENE SIXTEEN

EXT. HILLS – DAY

PLAY THEME from "SOUND OF MUSIC"

FADE IN

MULDER and SCULLY, smiling, help each other up the hillside.

ZO, CUE: "for as long as you live"

At "dream", MULDER and SCULLY stand on top of the hill, backs to the camera, looking out.

CUT TO CREDITS, CUE: last note

Black BG, white lettering: Produced by SR Kriger.

CUT TO CREDITS to the ANGSTONES' "CLIMB EV'RY MOUNTAIN"

CREDITS ORDER:

Scully  
Mulder  
Doggett  
Skinner and L.L.M.  
Krychek and Marita  
FBI Chorus  
Crew  
Special Thanks  
Me

CUT TO BLOOPERS

***END SCENE***


End file.
